Pulling Forward Not Pushing Forward: How to Perpetuate your Family Values
As a youngster, I was raised in a family business, a mom-and-pop convenience store. My mom started work at 5:30 am every morning, even on Christmas. She brought in the newspapers, opened the cash registers for the day, and straightened the shelves to ensure everything was in order. She would continue the day by waiting on the customers, restocking the shelves, ordering new inventory, and scheduling the other family members' work schedules since only family worked in the business. Endless amounts of cash would go in and out of the store, trips to the bank for deposits, and stacks of bills to count. As early as six years old, I would join her at the store to help before school. Throughout my childhood, I learned our family's core values by working alongside my mother.
I learned Integrity by watching her handle money with accuracy and honesty. Counting the money repeatedly while placing each bill in the same direction, she demonstrated her character. Never did she steal even a penny from the register, even though money was tight. The bank, at times, was even wrong in their count, trusting my mom's truthfulness to their error. She exhibited the behavior she wanted to instill in her children instead of pushing her values on us.
Work Ethic, a typical Polish trait, was also displayed at our family business. My mom never complained about the abundance of work required to manage the business while juggling raising five daughters. I cannot say she was the best cook, but we had food on the table and clean clothes for school. She laid our clothes out the night before, so there was no need for further discussion in the morning. She had a system for everything, which kept her efficient and the family on task—checklists for cleaning the house on Saturdays for those that didn't go into work that morning. Designated chores for who set the table, swept the floor or did the dishes after dinner. We didn't get an allowance for at-home duties, but we did earn an hourly rate when we worked at the store, even if starting wages were ten cents. We didn't complain, and we were happy to work hard for the sake of the business. Her work ethic pulled forward the perseverance core value for the next generations.
Where family started and family business stopped never had a clear distinction. The family was first, but it intertwined in our daily lives of running a business. My mom didn't have the opportunity to pursue her dreams but rather help where help was required. As the third generation in the business, she established herself in a key role in the operations. But the dream she had for her daughters was to see the world. She would often say, “the world is yours.” She didn't push us into the family business but allowed us to pull forward the value of family.
You have to set somebody free for them to return by Candice Night.
To perpetuate the family core values, first, you must demonstrate them in your daily life. Proclaiming your values without modeling the values will not establish them in your children's or grandchildren's life. Having a vision, mission, and core values statement for your family gives the family direction. Unfortunately, if the next generation doesn't have key input, it will be imposed on them instead of established within them. Trust the younger generation to give insight as to what is important to them. Collectively the family can generate core values that give meaning to the family.
Our adult children chose Family, Integrity, Perseverance, and Knowledge to represent our core values. These reflect what my parents passed along to us. Although my parents always stressed the importance of education, our children felt Knowledge was more inclusive. Education seemed to stand for a formal structure of learning while Knowledge included experiences of life. Having our children pull forward these values gives me hope to pass along the lessons I learned from my parents and grandparents to future generations, my grandchildren.
