Stop Peopling: Kids Coping with Anxiety
In today's world, there are many reasons to be anxious; the war in Ukraine, the Climate Crisis, the Rise in Crime, the threat of being Cancelled, Inflation, Unemployment, and COVID. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, tension, or unease, typically about an upcoming event or something with an unclear outcome. But some children suffer from this disorder even without these impending doom and gloom events. Clinical anxiety is a nervous disorder characterized by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with obsessive behavior or panic attacks. It is a chemical imbalance. Sometimes, the person suffering from the affliction needs time to stop peopling and getaway.
Our middle son suffered from anxiety starting at a very young age, although we didn't recognize it. His usual sweet, kind, laid-back demeanor turned from pleasant to tantrum when surrounded by groups of adults or kids. It was a sensory overload for him. At one and two, he couldn't express his apprehension with people. As time progressed into pre-school, he would throw a tantrum at drop-off. But as recommended by the teachers, he needed to get over the separation anxiety, so I left him on the ground having a fit. Little did I know that it wasn’t me that he felt fear about leaving, but the children in the classroom. He had social anxiety.
According to the Mental Health Foundation, “Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a longstanding and excessive fear of social situations. Beyond the typical sensation one might expect when speaking in public, meeting people for the first time, starting at a new job or school, or giving a performance, when the discomfort or feelings of shyness result in anxiety, fear, or avoidance and have an ongoing impact a person’s daily at work, in school then it could be SAD." In children, the Foundation characterizes the symptoms as, "refusing to talk, temper tantrums, crying or being clingy with their parents are all possible symptoms in children who are anxious about talking adults.”
Our son never went through the terrible twos but went through the horrific threes, a sign of anxiety. He would say school was hard as he grew, but we soon realized it wasn’t the lessons. It was the crippling fear of being judged or humiliated. One of his classmates in second grade commented on a belt that he wore. He never wore it again. One school event had parents come in for the reading time. My son squirmed and shifted in his seat the entire time. He does not have dyslexia which would be another type of anxiety when reading aloud. Although he was a proficient reader since 1st grade, his concern was with the children and parents watching him. He had a feeling of being embarrassed and self-conscious.
There were many other examples of social anxiety that I missed. I had a call from the school to meet with the music teacher. Our son refused to get in front of the class to play his instrument. They didn't know if he was defiant or scared. Another time he was confused when a speech he made to his classmates had comments that they couldn't hear him. He spoke too softly. His response was, "I could hear myself just fine." But the most prevalent sign was his ADHD-like behavior; tapping the pen and shaking his leg. Since I already had a son diagnosed with ADHD, I thought he had similar issues, but I was wrong.
It wasn't until college that anxiety became a severe issue. It affected our son's schoolwork. Being away from his family, on his own, must have been scary. He was always an intelligent and responsible child, so we didn't worry about him until we had to. One night/morning, at about 3 am, he abruptly woke us up. He discovered he was on academic probation. He was not eligible to take summer school or classes in the fall semester. The school's policy was to take time off for a semester. Fortunately, he just took a psychological assessment. Since he was struggling, we thought he might be dyslexic like his brothers. But instead, it was discovered he had social anxiety.
Mustering all of his courage and determination to stay in school, he met with the head of the engineering department, his major. He met with the dean of students. He bravely discussed his issues with anxiety. Then, he sought help. We were fortunate to have The Linder Center For Hope in our town. He was able to see a psychologist, and he decided with them to begin medication for anxiety. He spent the summer interning as an engineer, taking art classes, and re-evaluating his priorities.
There is hope for children and adults suffering from social anxiety. First, we must take away the stigma of mental disorders. It is real and if the medicine helps, take it. Second, get away from people; take a walk, hike, or run. Meditate, do yoga, or do other relaxation exercises. Other calming habits can be found on The Holderness Family Website.
If you are a parent or grandparent, join the movement. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Learn about kids' mental health, the signs, and what to do about it. Erase the stigma. "Try to be the rainbow in someone's cloud," Maya Angelou. What is your mental health story?
For more information, go to www.cjcorki.com/resources.
