Self-Image Small Steps make significant changes

Ugh! I'm so fat, I'm not very smart, I'm ugly, nobody likes me. I would like to say that these 4 self-image distracters are the only image issues that we as parents, grandparents, humans might have to deal with, but that would be far from the truth. None of them, or all of them, maybe how you personally felt at one time, or perhaps even still do.

The 4 self-esteem issues above are only the tip of the iceberg of reasons why we might feel we are not "good enough." Every person is different, every childhood experience affects every child differently, even in the same home, and everyone copes differently.

I think I can honestly say, that if asked, every one of my sisters would agree that they were loved, every sister felt safe growing up, and every sister had exposure to family and community support. I will share with you that being one of 5 siblings did not give us the same perceptions, memories, or even baggage. Regardless of how we grew up, we can still increase our self-image as an adult. This is a never-ending process.

I'm not going to spend any time writing about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but this pyramid was built in the early 1940s, and the accepted theory of foundational basics is that if some of our initial conditions are unmet, we may be unable to progress and meet our other needs.

So, back to self-image. If we have high self-esteem, we feel liked, accepted, confident, and proud of who we are and think good things about ourselves. In essence, we believe in ourselves.

Let's take a quick personal quiz. Don't worry, you don't have to share with anyone unless you want to. So, find a piece of paper and pencil, even your computer and keyboard will do. Let's get started.

I encourage you to honestly answer these questions:

1- What do you like about yourself?

You might be surprised by how good it feels to sit down and reflect on what you like about yourself. Don't limit yourself to typical things like a friendly smile. Try listing things like being observant of the little things, volunteering at a dog shelter, or appreciating your ability to make time for others.

2. How do you cope with stress?

Everyone has stress. Think about what destresses you…a massage, quiet time without any distractions, exercise… No right or wrong answer.

3. What 3 words best describe you?

Be honest and specific. Think spiritual, work, life, family…

4. What do you want to learn more about?

This is referring to your "bucket list." It could be specific travel, learning a new sport, a language, activities. Then the second part of this question is, what is stopping you from learning it? Now, just do it.

So, enough about us. Let's talk about our grandkids.

We know that when kids feel good about themselves, they have more confidence and are willing to try more new things, and if they fail at the recent activity or make mistakes, they are more apt to successfully deal with it.

Let's help build the self-image of our grandkids. Some suggestions are:

1.   Allow them to stretch outside their comfort zone. Help them learn new things and teach them that it's ok to fail.

2.   Praise them when they truly deserve it. Kids know if you give them fake praise, which plays into low self-image. Try to focus on the good, and make sure they overhear you praising and speaking highly of them.

3.   Avoid negative criticism about actions that are different than you may take

4.   Have them list 5 things that they love about themselves before going to sleep

5.   If body image is an issue, help them find clothes that flatter their body style.

6.   Demonstrate and encourage kindness

7.   Help them find new things that are interesting to them. Look for something they may not have everyday exposure to; museums, art classes, short-road trips, activities/sports outside their typical day (curling, pickleball, board games).

8.   Just do something fun.

Making these 8 activities top of mind and creating a sustainable action plan that can be done daily or weekly will make it a habit and can go a long way toward boosting their self-image.

Think about the adults in your life. Maybe today is the day to say something positive about them. Remember, self-image can be a constant balance.