Magic Words: Teaching Values to Children

In today’s high-tech world, where social media influences our cultural norms, instilling values in children early on has never been more critical. Values shape character, guide behavior, and lay the foundation for a meaningful life. As grandparents, influencing your grandkids' values is not just a responsibility but a joyous journey. Although establishing a family’s core values might seem too ambitious for the average toddler, this blog will guide you with practical activities that are easy to implement and the tools you need to nurture values in children, ensuring they become compassionate, responsible, and ethical individuals.

What are Values?

Values are not just a part of you and your family; they are something to strive to attain. They can be considered your family’s north star, guiding you and your family toward a life's purpose and giving it meaning and direction. But it is not just a compass; they are the wind in your sails, influencing actions, decisions, and behaviors and significantly motivating you and your family in life.

Why are Values Important for Kids?

Values are not just a moral compass for children; they are like magical words that light their way, helping them differentiate between right and wrong, make informed decisions, and develop a sense of purpose. Values are the bedrock of a child's interactions with others and their approach to challenges and opportunities in life, paving the way for a bright and ethical future. With their empowering nature, values equip children with the tools to navigate life's complexities with confidence and optimism.

Growing Up with Values

As far back as I can remember, my parents stressed, “The World is Yours.” This powerful motivational statement wasn't just a phrase; it was a way of life. It encouraged us to take charge of our lives, confidently pursue our dreams, and embrace the world's vast possibilities. It instilled the values of ambition, dreaming big, and aiming high. It empowered us to take control of our lives while taking responsibility for our actions. Travel and adventure to gain life experiences were a luxury and a part of their grand plan for our character development.

When I was six, my parents asked me a question that would shape my perspective on education and life. It wasn’t, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” It was, “Where would I like to travel as part of my education?” This question might seem overwhelming to a young child, but you have to know the context: My sisters were ten years older and planning for college. Traveling abroad was not just a dream but a part of that expectation. This question was a gentle nudge towards a broader understanding of the world and the importance of diverse educational experiences.

I knew exactly where I wanted to study: Switzerland. Was it because of the 1965 movie "The Sound of Music"? Perhaps the charm of the song "Edelweiss" captured my heart. But it was from my dad's stories from World War II. Before returning to the United States after the war, he had some time off in Switzerland. He was so captivated by the small country that he wanted to stay. Unfortunately, his parents said no. He had to come home to work. His family had financial obligations, so he had to forget about traveling and the college promise from the U.S. government.

At the time, I didn’t understand the nuances of the values he was passionate about, like education and travel. It wasn’t until I was older that I understood he was deprived of these experiences and wanted us to be empowered to accomplish our big dreams.

Strategies for Teaching Values

When to introduce values?

It is never too young or too late to instill values in your children and grandchildren. However, it would be best if you used words they can understand. If they are too young to read, use out loud words. Please keep it simple. Integrity, one of our family’s values, is a grown-up word. Please put it in their context.

One family uses the phrase “We don’t lie, and we don’t litter,” starting with their children as young as toddlers. It is straightforward to understand as a mantra. Growing up in a family business, my first value was honesty; we don’t steal. There was no grey area in that statement. Another phrase youngsters understand is, “Always tell the truth, even when it's hard.”

Model Values

Children learn by observing. Demonstrate the values you want to instill through your behavior. If you value kindness, make sure you treat others with kindness. This is especially important in how you treat people in the service industry. Are you polite to the waitress even though your order was completely wrong? What about the painfully slow cashier at the grocery store? Or one of your angry customers? Do you handle them with empathy, or are you intolerant? Remember, they are watching.

Open Discussions

Engage in conversations about values. Use real-life situations and stories to illustrate important principles. Grandkids love stories, so use your own life as a lesson. When I was three, my sister enticed me to steal some Barbie clothes. She said for me to put it in my pocket. Not knowing any better, I did. Later, when my mom asked me where I got it I told her from the store. She marched us back to the crime scene to return our loot, and we apologized to the store manager. I never forgot it; it is a story I will continue to share with the rising generation.

Praise and Reinforcement

Acknowledge and praise value-driven behavior. Positive reinforcement encourages children to continue acting in line with those values. Notice when your grandchild says Thank you and Please. State how pleased you are with their manners. When our sons were young, our youngest son bit our oldest son. Although we were pretty sure who the culprit was, we asked, “Did you bite your brother?” when he said yes, we praised him for telling the hard truth, but he also received a reprimand for the act of biting.

Set Clear Expectations

Communicate expectations regarding behavior and values. Consistency is key. Have your fundamental values thoroughly vetted. Make sure both grandparents and parents agree on the critical values to instill (see Core Values Exercise). Once your list of values is complete, make sure they are in a form consistent with the child’s age. Our family values consist of Family, Perseverance, Integrity, and Knowledge. Those words are much too big for a toddler to grasp. Siblings, hard work, honesty, and learning might be easier to understand.

Use Books and Media

Choose books, movies, and shows that reinforce positive values. Discuss the lessons learned. Our book “The Marshmallow Mystery” demonstrates teamwork, and “Don’t Fear the Monster” discusses the value of courage. Make sure the books you read to your grandkids reinforce your beliefs. Don’t buy them just because they are on the best-seller list since your values might not align.

Games and Activities

Involve your grandchildren in activities that teach values. Every board game is a lesson on not cheating, which means don’t let them win. Instead, have a fair game where they learn to lose gracefully. Other activities could be the “Value of the Day.” Use this as an opportunity to teach new words. On a whiteboard, put your word, changing it daily, weekly or monthly. Depending on the age, please point out the letters and sound them out. Have a children’s dictionary near marked with the definition. It is a fun way to incorporate literacy with values. As they get older, ask them for synonyms. Discuss which word, based on the definition, fits the family’s values.

Conclusion

Teaching children essential values is an ongoing journey that demands patience, unwavering commitment, and perseverance. By integrating these approaches into everyday routines, parents and grandparents can play a crucial role in shaping their children's moral framework, steering them toward a meaningful and principled existence. When these values become ingrained in your family culture, they can infuse some light-heartedness into an otherwise complex concept. Let the Magic Words come alive!