KidGoals: Nurturing Dreams, Fostering Growth

Me and my sister, Charlotte

Goals, achievements, or priorities? It doesn’t matter what they are called; everyone should have them. Yes, even young children. Maybe it is to have good grades or something as simple as making their bed, doing choirs, or trying a new food or activity. Generally, goals are made as part of a New Year’s Resolution, but since most resolutions typically don’t last a couple of weeks, you might need some techniques to help. The secret sauce ensures the why is discussed, especially if it is a goal inspired by a parent or grandparent.

Getting A’s in class, especially math classes, was one of my goals growing up. My only desire was to please my parents rather than the grade itself, which was my why. Grade school didn’t seem too much of an issue keeping my grades on track. It wasn’t until High School that I was distracted by other activities and boys. Or was it because I was perplexed by my parents' double standard for my siblings, specifically my sister, who was three years older?

When we received our report cards, we would proudly bring the grades to my dad. He would sit in his rocking chair, smoking his pipe while he reviewed the reports. “Three A’s and two B’s?” he would say to me, “Can’t you bring up the B’s?” I was disappointed with my performance, which I had thought was pretty good before the encounter. But my sister would bring her report card with a different reaction, “Two Bs and three Cs. Did you do your best?” he would say. After responding with a yes, he would give her a “that’s my girl” response.

Being the youngest in the family, you are assumed to be the “golden” child. You are believed to be spoiled by your parents and grandparents. Instead, I was one-upped by my older siblings. Not just my sister, who was closest to me in age, my dad’s favorite, but the ones ten years older who were in the process of changing the role of being a woman in the 1960s and 1970s. They were breaking barriers in science and business. The first woman doing this, the first female doing that. How could I compete since I could only be second in those achievements? And I was already the fifth in the family.

“It took five times to get it right,” my sisters would joke with me about being the youngest. I might not have been the first to do a lot of things, but it was instilled in me to be goal-oriented. When my husband and I had kids, we would do things differently. Having three children by the age of 30 was my first goal. That was highly aggressive since I didn’t get pregnant with our first until I was 27. Strangers teased me about their young ages with comments like, “You know what causes that?” But they were all part of the plan.

The Hoge Family with Puppies

Encouraging each of them to be their unique selves was another priority. However, without my help, they were born with different talents, and it was our job as parents to help them develop those skills. Regarding grades, we took the route I wished I received, “Did you give it your best?” I would ask. Maybe we were not challenging them enough, but with two of the three children having dyslexia, I was more concerned with mental health than the grades themselves.

“Make your bed,” nope, that wasn’t a goal for our children. Maybe I was worn down, but getting them out of that bed and to school was more of a priority than nagging them about an unmade bed. Besides, my parents never cared if I made my bed or not. They didn’t make our bed either, and I didn’t make my kid's bed; it was just left the way they rolled out of bed.

But as I matured into grandparenting age, I realized that if I included the why about the goal, they might have been more inclined to achieve it. Why get good grades? Maybe it is the satisfaction of achievement or showing you are proficient in certain subjects. Why make your bed? Along the line of Admiral William H. McRaven’s commencement speech, when you start your day with the small things, it leads you to accomplish more significant things. And if you had a bad day, you have a nicely made bed to come home to.

The WHY is the key to any goal you want to achieve or what you are encouraging your grandchildren to achieve. Why save your money? My parents did make that point very clear: to save for college. In any job I ever had, I had to preserve, not spend, to save up for college. But are my parents or grandparents paying for college? Yes, mine, too. But it was the books, the apartments, and just being able to eat, which was not covered by my parents, that I needed money for. I even worked during college and still relied on that money so I wouldn’t have the “food insecurity” you hear about today on campuses.

As a grandparent, what are some goals you have for your grandchildren? Make sure you understand the why. Check with the parents to ensure you are all on the same page. But realize that as a grandparent, specifically, grandmothers, the influence you have. Research has proven that the most significant impact is on goal setting for their grandkids. Typically, they see the potential before even the parents. How are you going to inspire the next generation?