When a Matriarch Passes Away
The clan
While you were waking up today, someone else was taking their last breath.
I woke up today and my day started like any other; the gym, the obligatory dog walk, the never-ending conference calls, and cups of coffee…. Then, a quick peek at a text changed my next 72 hours and life forever. Someone died.
Now, we all intuitively know that people die. Some of them are close to us, and sometimes it's people we knew from our past; sometimes, it is farther away from our lives but vaguely familiar because of their notoriety and everything in between. Then, of course, there is the cause, some from accidents, self-infliction, disease, COVID, and yes, even old age. Each death, regardless of the proximity to our lives, brings a moment of pause. It was the passing by old age that this blog addresses. My aunt has passed away. She was less than five months from her 102nd birthday! Yes, 102.
This death, however, hit me at a level deeper than I even expected. Now, don't get me wrong, death by natural causes, with no pain, would ease anyone's angst about their final days, but this was unusual. She was the matriarch. Now, without a missing beat, that baton was passed. The matriarch of the family is a cousin from MY generation. We now moved, in an instant, to the next place in the circle of life. Now that is a cause for pause!
The next Matriarch
Think of life from 100+ years ago. From a historical perspective, this means that in the year of her birth, the roaring 20’s, the jazz-age flappers’ era was the rage, the first day of alcohol prohibition came into effect that lasted 13 years! As the year continues, Joan of Arc was canonized as a saint. The US Post Office said that children could not be sent by parcel. The first commercial radio station began daily broadcasting. The 19th amendment was passed where women were legally allowed to vote after 100 years of protests.
Of course, during those 100 years, she was there when TV was introduced. She saw the move to "smart devices" for our news and entertainment and everything in between. She saw changes in prices of movie tickets from .27c, milk was .33c, and a new house was $6,972.
But Auntie Jean was more than what was happening in the global environment. She was the only girl in a family of 5 brothers and was a survivor. I grew up watching her handle any obstacle life threw her way. The brothers went off to war, she stayed home and supported the family from behind. She was fiercely loyal to her family, and as her loved one's lives moved from independence to the inevitable, she became their caregiver. A rheumatoid-riddled father, a strict mother, her brothers, her sister-in-law, her children, nieces, and nephews, were her focus and passion. She still had time for a career with the Great Lakes Naval Station, the officer's club, for over 50 years. So popular that they named a salad after her, The Belski Salad.
The unofficial head of the family in a traditional family, I am sure she cried herself to sleep many nights, but she still got up every morning she appeared to live her life by just putting one foot in front of another, and did an amazing job seamlessly moving traditions and family forward.
At her wake, I asked family members their memories of her. What I heard was awe-inspiring. The shared stories and the knowledge and insight she brought to this world influenced and changed everyone who interacted with her.
The inspiration for me is that she did not plan to be the matriarch of the family. Instead, the role was thrust upon her by life choices, circumstances, and age. What influenced me is that she, observed everything, rolled with the punches that life threw at her, and she showed how aging is an art and not a burden, unless you make it one.
Remember, inspiration comes from everywhere. Everyone has a story. She had a lifetime of stories that will have you think and grow, if you were willing to spend the time to listen. Yes, it’s true. It doesn’t matter if you are 10 or 102. So listen today.
Again, a reminder… while you were waking up today, someone else was taking their last breath. Be thankful for this day, don't waste it. Inspire someone. You can make change happen today!
