Growing to be an Elder, Not an Older
What is the difference between an elder and an older person? According to Webster, an elderly is a person who is old or who is aging. And if you look up the definition of old, it is described as having lived for a long time, no longer young. But the difference is an earned and respected position in the family by having a growth mindset.
In various cultures, the elderly have an elevated status. In Japan, they are generally treated with the utmost respect. Many traditional events are held in their honor, showing the gratitude of the younger generations. In the American Indian community, the elderly are considered the “wisdom-keepers” and are held in the highest regard in the community. They are the protectors, mentors, teachers, and transmitters of cultural knowledge. Greeks in America and Greece don’t have the shame around aging and death. The Greek honor old age and celebrate the elders as the center of the family. Calling someone an old man is not a bad word in Greece.
Why does Western culture have such a stigma about aging and death? Psychologist Erik Erickson argued that the Western fear of aging “keeps us from living full lives.” But this attitude about aging lacks the concept of “the whole of life. " While other cultures accept death as a fact of life, Western civilization is entrapped by fear. As Elbert Hubbard said, Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!” Audrey Hepburn.
Carmen Dell'Orefice, the oldest working model, solidifies that claim. At 91, the silver-haired sensation even posed nude for New York Magazine. To her, age is just a number. Kathie Lee Gifford professes not to have retired but to be re-fired. She is supporting a healthy lifestyle to keep herself young. So age is not about getting older, it is an attitude of a growth mindset.
On the surface, aging is growing older. But with a growth mindset, you can grow elderly. An elder comes with life experiences but is wise enough to understand that they don’t know everything. Take, for example, technology; I feel pretty savvy for someone my age. I was even around when the first PCs came out into the market. But to a millennial who was raised on technology, I am a neophyte. When I had internet problems and asked my computer programmer, son, for help, he said, “watching baby boomers do technology is painful.” Maybe a valid point, but I am learning every day and not afraid to fail; I have a growth mindset.
An old person might be unable to hear very well, or they talk about the good old days, not keeping up with the times. An elder person listens. They pay attention to what the rising generation has to say. I enjoy the vast knowledge of my adult sons. I am proud that accumulated so much knowledge in this Digital Information world. They taught me just to google it when I want to know what something means or how to do something. We depended on encyclopedias in the day. Google or Alexa is much more convenient. Listening is a skill that a growth-minded elder has by learning from youngsters.
Elders have discernment; they can make keen observations about things. Armed with their life experiences, they can step back and see the bigger picture. Take, for example, watching grandchildren grow. Elders can wisely observe a grandchild’s struggles and share their own struggles at that age. My kid’s grandpa shared the story of how he couldn’t qualify for a prestigious school based on his entrance exam. He had a disadvantage, dyslexia. But he studied hard and retook the test. The admissions officer said it wasn’t enough to be accepted, but he never saw such improvement in such a short period of time; he was accepted. The lesson of not giving up even though school is hard has stuck with our boys, especially with their own challenges with dyslexia.
An elder has a growth mentality that can bring the gift of wisdom, family stories, rituals, traditions, and the family’s values to life. An older person who looks at life in only the past deprives the family of their family’s legacy for the future. Watching my mom grow into elderhood, I have a role model to follow. Are you living as an elder or as an older? Who is your elder mentor?
