Across the Miles: Making the Most of Your Long-Distance Grandparenting Role

Being a grandparent is a rewarding and cherished role. It's a chance to build strong connections with your grandchildren, watch them grow, and offer unconditional love and support. At least that's what "they" say.

However, "they" don't tell you how to accomplish that when distance separates you. Being a long-distance grandma, building a solid connection, watching them grow, and just "being there" can be challenging. How can you be a part of their daily lives, be there for the special moments, and develop a connection when you are miles away?

When my first grandchild was born, and he was just a little bundle drooling and pooping, being far away from him didn't seem like a big issue. Then, his world was tiny, and his understanding was limited to his immediate caregivers - his mom, dad, and Gigi, his mom's mom. He was focused only on his basic needs.

Now approaching his fourth birthday, my grandkid has developed a sense of self with opinions, an understanding of who to love, who provides comfort and support, and has identified who the family is from his perspective. I want to ensure he perceives me as a part of his family. However, how can I achieve this with the distance between us?

I can either play the victim or act, and this blog is about taking action. I've learned that regular communication is crucial.

Here are a few ideas on navigating the delicate balance between being part of their lives and intruding on the family.

1.   Video Calls: Video calling platforms like Zoom or FaceTime are a great way to stay in touch with your grandkids, even if you're far away. It's best to choose a specific time to establish a routine and make it a regular part of their life. During the video call, you can see each other, chat, and catch up on what's been happening in both of your lives. Instead of just making a phone call, it's better to use video calling as you can also see what they are wearing, eating, playing with, or even looking around the room for something to discuss. You can easily set up a Zoom call for free, and if you have an iPhone, you can use FaceTime, which is already a function on your phone. If you need help using these platforms, your kids can quickly help you.

My time is three hours earlier, which is breakfast time in Seattle. He is usually well-rested. During this time, his mother can take a few minutes while he and I discuss the upcoming day and recap the previous day. 

2.   Snail Mail: Since we live in the digital age, receiving physical letters or packages, particularly for children, can be thrilling. Taking some time to send your grandchild handwritten letters, postcards, or small surprise packages can go a long way in strengthening your relationship with them. You could send them a drawing you made, a book you think they would enjoy, or even a package filled with their favorite treats. These tangible items will remind them of your presence in their life and show them that you care and think about them.

My grandson enjoys hearing jokes. If you want some jokes, follow us on Facebook for “Silly Saturday,” where we post a joke of the day. Seeing how much he enjoys receiving them in his mailbox is delightful. Although he is only three and a half years old and his parents must read them for him, I know he will eventually be able to read them to me. 

3.   Create Shared Activities: It's important to remember that distance shouldn't limit your experiences with loved ones. Consider planning activities that you can do together virtually. For instance, you could both start reading the same book or choose a movie to watch at the same time while video chatting. Once you're done, you can discuss the story or film. This will help create shared memories and provide an opportunity to bond despite the distance.

He currently loves Winnie the Pooh, so I get a list of his movies that he is allowed to watch. Since TV viewing is limited and the favorites are watched repeatedly, I can watch the movie and have a chance to talk about them.

4.   Virtual Storytime: Consider setting up a recurring virtual Storytime session where you can read books to your grandchildren. You can ask them to select a book they would like to read together, or you can surprise them with new stories. Use different voices to bring the characters to life and involve them in storytelling. This activity will help enhance their literary skills and strengthen the emotional bond between you and your grandchild.

Our "The Marshmallow Mystery" has been in his life since his birth; however, based on his age, what we "read" and "found" changed as his interest and age changed.

5.   Celebrate Important Events: Try to be present for important events in your grandchild's life, even if you can't physically be there. Use video calls to celebrate birthdays, graduations, holidays, or other special occasions. You can even prepare a special surprise for them, like ordering a cake or sending a personalized message they can open during the video call.

On Valentine's Day, we had a virtual cookie-making event over Zoom. It was a fun activity that we did together. While mixing the ingredients, we talked about everything and nothing, including the history of Valentine's Day, Valentine's activities we used to do at school, and even what our parents were planning to do for Valentine's Day. 

6.   Learn about their Interests: Show genuine interest in your grandchild's hobbies and activities. Ask them about their favorite sports, music, or hobbies, and take the time to learn more about them. Stay updated by following their social media accounts or subscribing to channels they enjoy. This will provide you with conversation topics and help you connect with them on a more personal level.

The two interests we are currently discussing are soccer and swimming. He shares his likes and dislikes about each, which change weekly.

7.   Plan Visits: Although being a long-distance grandma can be challenging, plan visits as often as possible. Try to be physically present during important milestones or contribute to special events. These visits will allow you to spend quality time with your grandchild, creating memories that will last a lifetime.

I decided to schedule a trip for my grandson's birthday and Christmas. However, since one of his grandmothers lives in town, I also wanted to spend some alone time with him and his parents. My goal, which is still in the planning stage, is for the four of us to travel somewhere together and share a unique experience. Not that the other grandmother and grandfather don't matter, but they already have daily activities.

Being a long-distance grandparent certainly comes with challenges. Still, with the right strategies and a little creativity, building and maintaining a strong and loving relationship with your grandchildren is possible, no matter the distance. If you have any suggestions to add to my present "to-do's," I would love to hear them.