If I Only Knew It Was A Superpower

When our oldest was born, I quickly started him on a path toward the love of books.  Just weeks old, I would prop him up on my lap to recite Dr. Seuss’s, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.  We progressed to Good Night Moon where I would point out the kittens and the mittens to identify objects in the room.  By the age of two, he could “read” the Polar Express word for word.  Barney was never part of his repertoire; however, Brontosaurus and Brachiosaurs became part of his vocabulary early on.  As a proud parent, I highlighted his precociousness to family and friends.  He soared through his preschool absorbing the educational playtime like a sponge. When he started kindergarten, he quickly became the teacher’s pet. In first grade, he was one of two students in his class identified for the gifted program.   Dreams of a doctor, lawyer or engineer became part of our expectations for his future.  But our hopes vanished as he entered fourth grade, the turning point in his education.

When our son started a new school in the affluent suburb of Chicago, his gifted status was ignored.  His teacher with thirty-plus years’ experience looked at him with disdain as he fidgeted in his seat seemingly bored with the curriculum.  When he took the achievement test in science, his favorite subject, the results were dismal.  He began hiding his assignments and tests from me and the teacher since he no longer had the stars and smiley faces on the paper, but D’s and F’s.  The vibrant, happy child with a passion for learning, disappeared.  Meeting after meeting with the teachers and advisors, they concluded he was suffering from depression.  I was off to what was the first of many rounds of psychologists and specialists to “fix” the problem.

Take him to a couple of psychological sessions and boom, all is well with the world or so I thought.  Yes, it was determined he was depressed.  We just moved from a small town in Nebraska to a big metropolis.  He left all his friends without the ability to say goodbye.  Surely it was the depression that was causing his academic failings.  But nothing seemed to work to help his situation.  Simultaneously, his little brother was in first grade struggling with reading.  His teacher wanted him in “Reading Recovery” which she assured me would be temporary since he was so smart.  But to everyone’s surprise, he did not improve. So now, there were two of our children struggling at school.  My failing as a parent in the eyes of the school was frustrating.  I was determined to find an answer to their difficulties in reading dilemma.

By nature, I am a problem solver.  My research gene kicked in to solve the mystery.  After hours of internet time learning about parental rights, I went to the school administration armed with a written request to test our oldest son for possible learning disabilities.  Although they initially pushed back, they eventually complied.  When reviewing the results, they were shocked to find that his IQ was in the gifted range while his reading level was only at the second-grade level.  Although I felt it was low for a gifted fourth grader, they felt it was still in the normal range.  Assuring me this could be solved with some specialized assistance from teachers, they sent me on my way.  But I was not convinced.

Although I had no background in teaching or learning disabilities, my gut said something is wrong.  I found an independent psychologist to re-test our son.  When the results came back, we were relieved to find an answer, however, understanding the challenges ahead was foggy, to say the least.  It was determined he had Dyslexia and Dysgraphia.  Not only reading, but writing would be a forever impediment in his educational development, so we were told.  But since we now had a diagnosis, the options became clear.

The recommendation was to home school him for a more personalized learning environment, but as I mentioned, that ability is not in my repertoire.  Sending him away to a school that specialized in dyslexia was cost-prohibitive.  One thing I did know for sure, he was not staying in the public school system which tried to sweep the issue under the rug.  We were on the hunt for other choices.  After visiting the gifted schools and private schools, we decided on the private route which gave us the ability to put all the boys in the same school.  Both boys with reading challenges would get the benefit of the smaller classroom as well as our middle son who was a voracious reader.  Problem solved?

Actually, it was not that easy.  It was a full-time job to be his advocate for this seemingly invisible disability.  His giftedness had him score A’s on tests only to fail the next.  The rollercoaster ride of getting him to graduate high school was nothing short of exhausting for all of us.  But one day, I ran across a book called, The Dyslexic Advantage. It was a paradigm shift in understanding.  Dyslexia in the teacher’s eyes, as well as mine, was seen as an obstacle.   In reality, it was a superpower.  Although the struggle is real to learn to read, their ability to compensate developed other abilities.  Due to their unique brain structure, and organization, they have the talent to achieve things greater than the non-dyslexics.  Science shows that they use more of their brain function than an average person.  It is actually a diagnosis you want your child to have.

Going through the challenges of raising two dyslexic children is something I would not wish for any parent, until now.  If I only knew, in the beginning, the creativity that comes through in their development.  Instead of trying to “fix” the problem, I should have tried to celebrate their ability and talents.  Even though the oldest did not make it through college, he is a successful self-taught computer architect.  Our youngest is now finishing his MBA from Case Western.  He is maintaining a 4.0 GPA while working full-time.  Do not get me wrong, it will be a struggle to get a dyslexic child through school, but the benefits for their future success are well worth the effort.  Remember, it is your child’s superpower.

What are your challenges raising a child with learning differences?