Why Kids Need Secret Spaces to Thrive
With this New Year, I began reflecting on the past. Long ago, when life was simple. No "peaceful protests" or looting happened back in 1968, right? Mine were fond memories of childhood with my own unique hideaway space, the crawl space under the stairs. It was safe from the outside world and insulated me from the happenings of that era. Unaware was I about the Civil Rights movement or the Chicago Riots after Martin Luther King was assassinated. Little did I know about the Vietnam War except that my godfather fought in it. It started my thinking of why special places are essential.
I grew up the youngest of 5 girls. The chaos of my teenage sisters fighting in the 1960s comes to my mind. The drama of life of that time, both in the news and inside our house, was not something I was interested in learning. But I had an escape, the cubby hole underneath the staircase in our family apartment home. It was my safe space where I played with Liddle Kiddles in their own Kiddle House carrying case. But there were also Barbie dolls to play with, which were handed down from my older sisters. This place included a Barbie and Ken suitcase. I spent hours of gleeful imaginary play in my cubby with my invisible friend Penelope. Little did I realize how that secret place with an imaginary friend fostered my development.
Children need their own secret places for their well-being. They can develop and control their environments in that space while enjoying freedom from the adult world. The adult world, I learned from history, was quite violent at that time. The headline in the Tribune from 1968 was "The Night Chicago Burned." With all of the arson and looting, the Chicago Mayor, Daley, proclaimed, "…to shoot to kill any arsonist." I wasn’t even aware there was a race riot in our little town outside of Chicago. In my world, I could create a peaceful and happy imaginary land.
Tragically, history does repeat itself. The protests in 2020 and the excessive amount of looting in 2021 make the “adult world” scary for grown-ups, much less children. With all of the mask and vaccine mandates, children need a place to escape. How do you make a safe haven for your children as parents and grandparents?
It can be as simple or elaborate as you want to make the space. Building a fort out of kitchen chairs is a fun afternoon project, but a fort could be made permanent in a tree or even inside the house. Our kids loved their teepee, which was an easy, inexpensive purchase. It could be set up inside or outside, depending on the weather. It is also great for grandparents to fold it up and put it away when their grandchildren are not there. Recent guests at our Airbnb set up three tents inside to keep their youngsters entertained. We made forts out of sheets and blankets over my mom's clothesline growing up. There are fort-building kits you can also buy online since clotheslines are a thing of the past.
Many homes have natural places to getaway. Besides something like my cubby hole, a closet can act as a play space, especially a walk-in one. Our kids had a connected walk-in closet between bedrooms; what a fun room for the little ones. Another one of our houses had a finished crawl space—a perfect size for toddlers to roam but too small for adults. Our boys once even turned a small fenced dog kennel into their getaway place. More elaborately, one family turned an entire bedroom into a children's place with a rock climbing wall and zipline, to name a few cool features. There are also parents and grandparents that separate an area of their basement for imaginary play. We had a wooden kitchen set which I spent hours creating elaborate meals. But a much-underutilized space is an attic. It is a perfect play space if your house is lucky enough to have one.
When children grow into middle schoolers, they still can enjoy their own special place. There are many options for them too. I loved climbing on top of our shed to get away and read. My sister had a balcony outside her bedroom she used as her reading room. Once she and the others went off to college, that became my refuge. A cozy window nook or hammock hung inside or out makes excellent places to daydream.
With the news media always scaring us with the realities in the world, as parents and grandparents, we might want to cling to our children to keep them safe. However, kids need to have their own space to develop without helicopter parents choreographing their playtime. If they are as young as two or as old as twelve, parents can provide a space where they can control their environment—giving them permission to discover and explore independently. The outcome of this freedom will foster a level of confidence and independence early on. I was fortunate to have that experience as a child, and I am forever grateful to my parents for having trusted me to flourish with my imaginary friend away from the adult world.
