When Cupid Said “No”: The Other Side of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day…what’s “love” got to do with it?

As the chocolate hearts hit the shelves, the dinner reservations fill up, and the florist starts to ramp up for their busiest season, all the signs are there. We are approaching “the” Day. And as we approach, I say NO! What part of No don’t you understand the “N” or the “O?”

Now, I am far from a negative Nelly. Still, if I had a magic wand and some influencers on my side, I would magically make Valentine’s Day less about romantic love and instead an opportunity to focus on kindness, joy, and appreciation for those around them! As we approach Valentine's Day, I thought we could look at it from another lens, not just about romance but an opportunity to embrace kindness, connection, and love in all its beautiful forms, from family to friendships and beyond.

Where did it begin?

Most people know that Valentine’s Day is named after St. Valentine. But did you know there were two St. Valentines?  Nobody knows if the holiday originally celebrated St. Valentine of Rome or St. Valentine of Terni, both of whom were martyred. Legends say that St. Valentine of Rome was a priest who defied the Roman Emperor's ban on soldiers getting married and continuing to marry couples in secret. Other stories say that he helped Christians escape Roman prisons and fell in love with the jailer’s daughter, writing her a letter signed "From your Valentine."

So, I’ll give you that Valentine’s Day has “love” embedded in it but, play it forward to modern times; some cynics say Valentine’s Day is just a manufactured holiday to sell greeting cards, chocolates, and flowers. According to the National Retail Foundation, Americans spent nearly $26 billion on Valentine's Day gifts in 2023. People are also expected to spend an average of approximately $193 for Valentine's Day. WOW, talk about focused spending.

However, I believe Valentine’s Day should be a day to show love and gratitude for the people who matter most in our lives. I think it’s an excellent chance for kids to learn that love exists in many forms—family love, friendships, and even self-love. By focusing on these broader themes, our grandkids can understand that Valentine’s Day is a universal celebration, not just one for couples or romantic relationships.

Encouraging Family-Centered Celebrations

I think we all agree that history is important, so let’s teach the kids the history of this event but also encourage our grandkids to learn that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be reserved for couples—it can be an excellent time to bond as a family. When my daughter was little, we created a tradition of celebrating together. As the holiday of “love” was ramping up, we would bake heart-shaped cookies, create homemade cards for cousins, and even watch family-friendly Valentine’s movies. As she got older Valentine’s Day, a classic 2010 movie that does a great job demonstrating, as only Hollywood can, the different kinds of love. I know I have been highlighting siblings, friends, parents, and grandparents, but don’t forget even our pets can be Valentine-worthy. This inclusive approach teaches kids that love starts at home, making the day meaningful and pressure-free.

Make It About Friendship

Vintage Valentine’s Cards

Let’s bring it to the kids' daily lives and school. The excitement of exchanging cards at school was a tradition in my day. In grade school, I remember our mom purchasing bulk cards to share with my sisters. I still vividly remember sitting at the kitchen table, spending hours looking at the few cards that belonged to me to give, doing the math on how many friends I had, and analyzing which card would be received by whom.

Yes, friends play a huge role in a child’s life, and Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to celebrate those connections. I don’t know if the card exchange is still “a thing” at school since my grandbabies are still little, but either way, I would encourage kids to make or exchange cards with their friends to show appreciation for the people they care about. Crafting homemade cards adds a personal touch and makes the activity more engaging. By focusing on friendship, kids can experience the joy of giving and celebrating their bonds rather than worrying about romantic expectations.

BUT warning, warning, warning. Schools might not allow Valentine's card exchanges, or if so, expect everyone to get a card from everyone so that no one will be disappointed. On the other hand, we did not have cards for everyone, nor did we have a relationship with everyone at school. Everyone understood that, and maybe there was some disappointment, but it was another lesson we had with dealing with life. That being said, schools may not want to deal with the drama, so there may be changes to keep the drama at bay. Regardless of the school rules, the card opportunity for friends and family still exists.

Share Stories and Memories

Here’s a thought…storytelling can make Valentine’s Day extra special. Share heartwarming or funny stories from your own childhood Valentine’s Days to show kids that the day is about fun and connection. Or how about reading The Berenstain Bears, Valentine Blessings: A Valentine’s Day Book for Kids. Any books about kindness and love that emphasize different types of relationships. Invite your children to talk about who they love and why. These moments foster understanding, normalize diverse ways of celebrating, and make the day feel inclusive.

Explain That It’s Okay Not to Have a Valentine

One thing we want to help the kids learn is that not having a Valentine should never be a source of stress for kids. Let’s help them see that love isn’t confined to one person or type of relationship. Family members, especially grandparents, can always be their Valentines. This builds a sense of security and reminds children that they are always loved. By normalizing this perspective, you’re teaching them to value love in all its forms without placing unnecessary importance on finding a Valentine.

Keeping Expectations Realistic

Children often see Valentine’s Day portrayed with grand gestures in movies and advertisements, which can set unrealistic expectations. Let’s teach them that the holiday is about small acts of kindness and appreciation, not extravagant gifts or dramatic declarations. By managing their expectations, kids can enjoy Valentine’s Day for what it is—a fun, lighthearted celebration of love and gratitude.

Celebrating With Grandparents: Built-In Valentines

Personally, I think we grandparents make the best Valentines! We offer unconditional love, a wealth of wisdom, and a bond unlike any other. Spending time together, sharing stories, or baking together can create wonderful memories. Grandparents remind kids that they are always loved, making Valentine’s Day feel extra special.

Wrapping Up the Day With Gratitude

At the end of Valentine’s Day, how about taking a moment to reflect with your grandkids? Ask them about their favorite parts of the day—making cards, spending time with family, or sharing treats? This reflection helps solidify the idea that Valentine’s Day is about spreading kindness and celebrating love in its many forms. Encourage them to think about how to carry this spirit forward into their everyday lives.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be complicated for kids. By teaching them to celebrate love in all its forms—whether it’s with family, friends, or even themselves—we can make the holiday a joyful, pressure-free experience. And if they’re ever unsure about who their Valentine is, remind them that grandparents are always happy to step in!

Love is a gift to be celebrated, and with these simple, heartwarming ideas, your kids will learn to embrace Valentine’s Day as a day of fun, kindness, and connection.

So, join me in saying “NO” to limiting what Valentine’s Day is and help that see what Valentine’s Day can be.