Making Your Bed: How it Can Change the World

2014 Commencement Speech (Click Here)

My mom always encouraged me to make my bed in the morning. But as a youngster, I always wondered what the point was. I woke up in the morning, left for school, came home, did homework, ate dinner, watched TV, and then went back to bed. Why make my bed when I return in the evening to unmake it again? Little did I know she was teaching me how to change the world.

You might wonder how this little task can make a difference in the world. Frankly, I did not understand it until I became an adult. Naval Adm. William H. McRaven, ninth commander of U.S. Special Operations Command, at the University-wide Commencement at The University of Texas at Austin, said, “What starts here changes the world. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.” His inspiring message states that if you start by doing the little things, it motivates you to continue doing bigger and bigger tasks, leading to changing your life for the better as well as others. And if you had a terrible day, at least you can come home to a nicely made bed showing your first daily accomplishment.

In the commencement speech, McRaven additionally said, “…find someone who can help you paddle.” My parents, too, had a similar message but with a little bit of a twist. They would say, “Friends will come and go, but family is forever.”  You can depend on family—someone who will support you through the good and bad times. They will be there when you need advice, a shoulder to cry on, or a sounding board to vent or brainstorm. I have been blessed with four sisters who have always been there for me.

Marine Corp Marathon 2011

Another message acknowledged in the speech is that you should measure a person by the size of their heart, not the size of their flippers. Although this reference refers to physical size, which is not how you should be measured, the objective measure is hard work. Similarly, my parents gave us the same lesson. They said, “Don’t measure someone by the size of their bank account, but how hard they work. Never marry for money, rather for their work ethic.”

“If you want to change the world, get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward,” McRaven explained that the punishment for not having your uniform in order as a Navy SEAL was a requirement to roll in the sand. I remember our punishment for not behaving was to scrub the entire front porch with a toothbrush. It gave us humility, but we moved on knowing not to misbehave again.

McRaven said, “If you want to change the world, don’t be afraid of the circuses.” The circuses were a place of punishment where you would have to endure additional calisthenics, runs, and other physical hardships. They may have been difficult, but the circuses made you better. Although my parents didn’t stress physical activity, they did stress achievement. Sometimes, it took practice, long hours, and many failures before success. They encouraged me not to be afraid of it. Check out our newest intentional grandparenting book, Not My Circus.

“If you want to change the world, sometimes you have to slide down the obstacle head first.” My parents always encouraged me with a similar mantra to go into something wholeheartedly. “Just dive right in, why wait,” they would say. I think of this lesson every morning. Why wait until later? Like Nike’s tagline, “Just do it,” my parents said, “do it now.” What can we do today to make a difference if we want to change the world?

“So, if you want to change the world, don’t back down from the sharks,” McRaven said, meaning take an issue head-on. I reflect on my parent's encouragement when I was in college, struggling at Georgia Tech. I was the only female in most of my classes in Electrical Engineering. My dad always said, “Boys and girls are not equal; girls are better.” This came from the parents of five girls. What they really were saying was not to back down. Girls can do math and science just as well as boys. Keep working hard, and know you are just as capable as the opposite sex, even more so in some ways.

Georgia Tech Graduation

The speech goes on to say, “Be your very best in the darkest moment.” When I think of some of my darkest moments, it was when my parents died—first my dad, then my mom. When my dad passed, my mom displayed the fortitude you needed when going through the “sickness” part of her wedding vows. She was there by his side, day in and day out. She was even dancing together at the hospital shortly before his death. Then, once the inevitable came, she mourned but didn’t despair. She moved on to live her best life. She missed him terribly, but she became her best in the darkest moment, a good lesson for her children and grandchildren.

“Start singing when you’re up to your neck in mud,” McRaven explained about his final week of SEAL training. I know this was my mom’s key to success. She was always an optimist. “You have a choice; you can have a good day or a bad day; choose a good day every day.” I never heard my mom get angry, which, with a house of five daughters, seems impossible. She endured a lot of hardships in life. She survived the Great Depression, the loss of a child as well as the loss of her parents and husband. But she chose happiness and lived life to the fullest.

At the conclusion of McRaven’s speech, he said, “If you want to change the world, don’t ever, ever ring the bell.” In the SEALs, if you want to stop the grueling training, you must ring the bell, and the misery will stop. Giving up is the easy out. That was also a lesson from my parents. Quitting is not an option.  There may be a pivot, a change, or a redirection, but not quitting. Back in college, when I was frustrated with Electrical Engineering, dropping out was not an option. Instead, my parents encouraged me to change majors and to continue at Georgia Tech. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes. At that time, my graduation from college was my greatest accomplishment, mostly because I never rang that bell.

The commencement speech from 2014 was very inspiring to me. However, reflecting on my parents' lessons, I was raised with the same messages as the speech. No, I didn’t undergo SEAL preparation or anything close to challenging training. From step one, Make Your Bed, through step 10, Never Ring the Bell. But more importantly, they taught me, “The world is Yours, and you can experience it and change it.”