Growing Pains or Growing Bonds? How to Foster a Strong Family Connection in Adulthood
Growing up with siblings can be a wild ride.
In my family, we were all girls, with three sisters born a year apart and another two born five and ten years later. Talk about 2 families! Even with the age differences, we were all born in the baby boomer generation, which added to our being vastly different in every way imaginable. The only thing we had in common? Sharing one bathroom. Needless to say, growing up was far from easy.
Decades have passed, everyone scattered from our little local community, and the wild commonality, along with the time spent together, became less and less. What do you do? The easy answer would be to move on with the new life each of us created as adults, with careers, spouses, children, and friends surrounding us, but we were never one for the easy answer. Now, I would like to take credit for bringing the siblings back together, but my sage 4th sister, in 2003, said something so simple yet so profound that it changed our adult lives forever.
How did it happen? It all began with an opportunity. In life, opportunities are woven into our daily lives. Some we choose to navigate, forging a new, unique journey, while others fleetingly pass us by. This chance changed all our lives forever. Our oldest sister was living in DC, I in the Philadelphia area, our parents in Chicago, and our sage sister #4 in Atlanta, and we decided to gather for a weekend in our state capital. We hadn't been together for years, and our short journey didn't have one defining moment, but we walked, ate, laughed, and talked.
As the weekend ended, out of the mouths of babes came, "This was great fun. Why don't we get all the sisters together and do this again? "…and the sisters' weekend concept was born.
Of course, the exhilaration of the moment and the "high" from the weekend had to be moved from vision to implementation. Mom and Dad had been "herding cats" our entire childhood, and now these "cats" were independent, opinionated adults. This job could have been daunting to others, but we never even thought about it not occurring. The three of us knew something was missing and believed everyone wanted to invest in our family relationship and would go the extra mile to nurture these connections as adults.
The successful execution of any project is in the details. It is no different when planning an adult weekend. If it's your first, like us, it began with "selling" the big picture on why gathering as sibling adults is essential.
Next. What are the rules of engagement? Open and honest communication is critical. In our case, we still have to continue to remind ourselves to actively listen to what other opinions are, especially if they see preferences differently. Compromise and understanding goes a long way.
What are we going to "do" during this time? The success of our 2003 event occurred because it was peppered with spontaneity, which led to unexpected discoveries. Even though it might sound like an oxymoron, the spontaneous time should be scheduled. The successes occur between the balance of relaxation and excitement. Create a loose itinerary.
Where to go and how often rounds out the planning. A few discussion points will naturally change by year, situation, and life. Is it a rotation between each other's homes and cities? Do we select a city somewhere else in the country? Do we alternate the coasts or even the Midwest? Is there a time of year that works best for everyone? My oldest sister is a sheep shearer, and the spring is off the table because that is when sheep are in desperate need of grooming. How about September? Another sister has a yearly national business meeting that must be considered. Schedules, calendars, and logistics we hadn't even thought of…easy, right?
The second tier of these events wasn't considered initially. Would we get along? In theory, our core bond and values should be able to withstand any hiccup along the way. Let's put it to the test, and so we did.
The journey is approaching its 20th anniversary. Evolution is necessary, and from our first event, it has morphed from sisters only to including spouses. Even though some weekends have been emotional and challenging experiences, we have honed our conflict resolution and forgiveness skills. As we continue to evolve and grow, we have a solid support system and a sense of belonging that is hard to find anywhere else.
I share this story with the hope of equipping you with valuable insights and practical advice for building your own personal journey with your adult siblings.
