Beyond 'Boys Will Be Boys': Celebrating Dad's Positive Influence This Father's Day

Tom and the boys in South Carolina

The news headlines are currently dominated by the Trump Trial, which is taking place in New York. Trump has defended himself by stating that his comments were mere "locker room banter." Although he has been accused of sexism and objectifying women, he claims that it was just a case of "boys will be boys." However, he wasn't entirely wrong in claiming that some men talk that way. According to Shaun Harper's article in the Washington Post, "Many men talk like Donald Trump in private. And only other men can stop them.”  The attitude towards women and standing up to the banter begins at home with the father's example.

My journey has been a testament to the fact that the boy's will-be-boys attitude is not a given. My husband and I raised three now-adult boys. Our house was a whirlwind of trucks, dinosaurs, and three lively children's antics. From climbing onto the roof of the house to rollerblading off half-pipe ramps in first grade, it comprised continual trips to the emergency room.

Thankfully, they never fought or wrestled with each other, which many parents write off as a boy's thing. Why? It just was never allowed. We prohibited them from watching TV shows like the Power Rangers or Ninja Turtles that promoted fighting. Instead, they exerted that energy in sports. Wrestling was only allowed in wrestling practice and bouts.

However, various sports ran the spectrum of possible abilities, from gymnastics to lacrosse. You don’t know their interest in first grade, so let them guide you in activities that might appeal to them. Tennis, soccer, rugby, swimming, football, gymnastics, lacrosse, baseball, basketball—you name it—they have tried it. Did they like them all? No. Our middle one knew wrestling wasn’t for him early on, so lacrosse became his sport of choice.

They were also encouraged to playhouse where they had their baby dolls to nurture. Why was this normal to them? They had a great role model, their dad. He was very involved in raising the boys and supporting me as their mom. He might not have been the primary caregiver while they were growing up, but he was there to show both his solid and sensitive side to the boys. Rocking a baby to sleep, his babies, was an everyday activity as well as shopping for groceries and cooking.

Any foul language got your mouth washed out with soap. My mom never swore, and my dad only cursed in Polish, although we later discovered it was a mild infraction like saying, darn it. I was raised that it was offensive and unbecoming to use foul language. But it was my husband, their dad, who behaved in a manner with no profanity. Even talking back to Mom brought on disapproval and discipline from Dad. He never struck them, but a harsh, unacceptable tone prevailed. And when Dad spoke, they listened.  

I am not naïve; I have overheard a curse or two while they were in high school. In one incident, our son was red-carded in a soccer game using profanity. Not at the referee, but out of frustration at a bad call. In all his years of playing soccer, it was entirely out of character for him. He did fess up to his error in judgment since he knew he was wrong. However, it was considered disrespectful. He knew this was especially egregious with an adult, but even more so if it was around a female.

The values that their father instilled in them were fundamental and crucial. He taught them to treat girls with utmost respect and never harbor any sexist attitudes or notions of superiority. Thanks to my husband's unwavering insistence on appropriate behavior, our household was always characterized by it.

Throughout their upbringing, he instilled the virtues of male strength and independence in his children. As young boys, they were encouraged to take responsibility and protect those around them, especially their mothers. He taught them various skills that he believed “every man should know,” from tying a tie to building a campfire. However, there was one skill that they had yet to master - sewing a button. In such situations, I, as their mother, remained their go-to person for help.

My parents taught me the value of hard work from a young age. They served as role models and assigned me tasks like a chore list starting from kindergarten. Similarly, my husband set high expectations for our sons to contribute to the household. He has taught them practical skills like basic woodworking, home repairs, and outdoor work like chopping wood and lawn mowing. He has encouraged them to be curious and independent in these tasks. He has instilled a strong work ethic and perseverance, constantly reminding them that the job is not done until everything is cleaned up.

Father and Son Fishing Trip

An adventure that they will always cherish is the yearly "Father and Sons" trips to Canada for camping and fishing. In the wilderness, they learn how to build fires, hike in remote areas, and encounter wildlife. These activities teach them survival skills, respect for nature, risk assessment, and how to catch, cook, and clean fish.

Most importantly, he has embodied our family's core values of family, integrity, perseverance, and knowledge. He intentionally discusses our values at family meetings and demonstrates them when it matters most by making tough decisions. When faced with a choice, he chooses to do what is right, not easy. During the pandemic, his company faced difficult times and was asked to deceive a bank by withholding information to obtain a second loan. However, he refused to do so and told the first bank the truth, even though it hurt financially. It was the right choice and an excellent example in the long run.

This Father's Day, I would like to take the opportunity to recognize the significant role fathers play in shaping the lives of their sons.  My husband is a good father, not just a guardian. He played a pivotal role model, demonstrating our core values through his actions and words. By actively engaging in our sons' lives, he taught them how to navigate challenges, stand up for what is right, and treat others with kindness and respect. Such lessons are crucial as boys grow into men who will influence their own families and communities. This Father's Day, we honor the enduring impact of these relationships, which help forge the rising generation's character and destiny.

Rethink 'Boys Will Be Boys' by inspiring bigger dreams and better behavior in raising sons. Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, grandfathers, and fathers-to-be.